Last Friday, my ayi (domestic helper here in China) made a big dish of moussaka for my husband and I to eat over the weekend (very delicious). She also made an apple dessert that she loves to make but that my husband and I aren’t so keen to eat. It has tons of orange zest on top which makes me crazy. I hate orange zest. I hate anything with orange zest on it. And I also hate orange marmalade...which has orange zest in it. (Strangely, I do love oranges.)

Anyway, before heading out for the weekend on Friday evening, my ayi showed me--very excitedly--the dessert made of pingguo (apples). I smiled and thanked her though really I wanted to scream. I really don’t like this dessert.

You might ask why, if my husband and I both dislike this dessert, why I just don’t tell her so she doesn’t continue to waste her time and our money?

Great question.

Complicated answer.

In China, there’s a concept called “saving face.” In essence, “saving face” means that in order to save embarrassment of a Chinese person, you don’t directly criticize or reprimand. It’s very complicated and an integral part of the Chinese culture. (I’m simplifying it here.)

So...for me to come out and tell my ayi that I don’t like the dessert and that I don’t want her to make it again would cause her to lose face. So I don’t.

Instead, on Monday, I toss the thing into a garbage bag, carry it out to the street, and throw it away in a trash can on Anfu Road.

Why, you ask, don’t I just throw it in our trash on the 23rd floor?

Another great question.

Well, because everything gets recycled in China by individuals, I’m concerned that someone who knows our ayi might go through our trash looking for recyclables, accidentally discover the discarded dessert, and tell our ayi what I’ve done...causing her to lose face.

Though it may not seem so to Western readers, it’s truly much easier for me to go through the madcap rigmarole of secretly discarding the dessert on Anfu Road in a public trash can.

Ah, culture.