1. Wear skirts. (Follow-up: You look pretty in them.)

2. Don’t wear pants. (Follow-up: You look bad in them.)

3. Don’t wear that shirt. (Follow-up: Too big.) (A lovely white linen Eddie Bauer shirt...loose but comfy.)

4. Take that picture down. (Follow-up: Very bad. Doesn’t look like you. You are pretty. The picture is ugly.) (A silly picture of me on the fridge.)

5. Always wear your hair curly. (Follow-up: Chinese women have straight hair. They want curly hair. Yours is curly. Do not straighten it. Ever.)

Obviously a relationship with an ayi is a complicated thing.