Yep, it’s true. That’s my Flagyl. One hundred 200 mg tablets of amoeba-fighting medicine!

Because the good docs around the world have been unable to pinpoint my amoebas (despite the number of times they’ve studied my poop) and because I am damn sick of feeling sick all the time, I’m doctoring myself. Well, me, my younger sister the nurse, my older sister the ex-Peace Corp volunteer, my friend Sandy the ex-Peace Corp volunteer and scientist, and the holy bible of third world workers, “Where There Is No Doctor.”

Basically, the way I understand it, Flagyl will kill everything in my intestines....good bacteria and bad bacteria. Amoebas, be gone! Out, damn amoeba! Abracadabra! And so on...

My friend Sandy bought the Flagyl at an expat pharmacy for somewhere between 50 and 60 cents (very cheap in China). Although I tried to reimburse her for the cost, she rejected my attempts. I imagine this small contribution to my well-being has something to do with the fact that she’s greatly looking forward to spending time with me when I’m not turning green and groaning, “Oh, I’m so nauseated!”

Additionally, I did a bit of Internet research about dosage, side effects, and whatnot. My sister the nurse advised me on dosage and helpful other things, like gargling with salt water and eating live culture yogurt during the process. Unfortunately, one of the likely side effects of Flagyl is thrush (aka to all you women out there: yeast infections)...thus the gargling and yogurt.

Thankfully, believe it or not, there is a small French company that will deliver live culture yogurt directly to my door here in Shanghai. Of course, this company is not yet licensed in China and the yogurt comes in glass jars with no labels, but no worries...friends in the know assure me that the yogurt is safe and healthy. (One risk for another here in China!)

Anyway, for the next 7-10 days (haven’t determined this detail yet), I will take 700 mg of Flagyl 3 times a day. I will eat live culture yogurt, gargle with salt water, and dance on the balcony facing the moon at 10:06 each night. (The dancing is just a fun thing I thought might help things along a bit.)

Oops...it’s 1:41 p.m. Time for dose #5. Wish me luck.