In first-grade math, I struggled with “greater than/less than.” Not the concept, mind you, but the symbols. You know, < and >.

Later, when I began to study algebra, I struggled with apples and oranges: x and y.

And in advanced scientific chemistry, despite Mr. Pollack’s engaging explanations and monk-like patience, I struggled to balance molecular equations.

Eventually I mastered these concepts (except the molecular equations, of course, which is probably why I’m a writer and not a scientist). So I figure that eventually I’ll master the “China + Kristin = ______” equation. But right now, I don’t have a clue how to fill in that blank.

Here in the States, I’ve been faced again and again with the question “Do you love it?” Meaning China, of course. Shanghai. And again and again, I’ve struggled to come up with an answer. You know, the right answer.

The part of me that wants to please the person asking the question leaps in with “Oh my god, yeah! Shanghai is amazing. I absolutely love it!” I mean, this is the answer most people want to hear because in truth, most people want the easy answer, the happy answer, the one that makes them feel relaxed in the other person’s experience.

The part of me that is so happy to be home in the United States with clean water and thousands of books in English and that is so frustrated with ongoing China-stomach leaps in with “No, I fucking hate it.”

But honestly, neither answer is correct. And in keeping with the yin-yang of everything China, neither is incorrect either.

Simply put, China is complicated. Very complicated. It’s layered and dense, a country (excuse the cliche) of opposites. I’m sure traveling there for business or a vacation might produce the desired response “Yeah, I absolutely love it!” but living there just can’t be broken down that simply. So I’ll keep exploring the answer...applying Mr. Pollack’s patience when I can and roping in my frustration when I can’t. Maybe by the time we get home again, I’ll have an answer.